The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. We spend too much precious time and energy managing perception and creating carefully edited versions of ourselves to show to the world. As hard as we try, we can’t seem to turn off the tapes that fill our heads with messages like, “Never good enough!” and “What will people think?”
Why? What fuels this unattainable need to look like we always have it all together? At first glance we might think it’s because we admire perfection, but that’s not the case. We are actually the most attracted to people we consider to be authentic and down-to-earth. We love people who are “real” – we’re drawn to those who both embrace their imperfections and radiate self-acceptance.
There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate . Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection .
Based on seven years of ground-breaking research and hundreds of interviews, I Thought It Was Just Me shines a long-overdue light on an important truth: Our imperfections are what connect us to each other and to our humanity. Our vulnerabilities are not weaknesses; they are powerful reminders to keep our hearts and minds open to the reality that we’re all in this together.
Dr. Brown writes, “We need our lives back. It’s time to reclaim the gifts of imperfection – the courage to be real, the compassion we need to love ourselves and others, and the connection that gives true purpose and meaning to life. These are the gifts that bring love, laughter, gratitude, empathy and joy into our lives.”
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Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, is a research professor at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work. An award-winning teacher and nationally renowned speaker, she is also the author of The Gifts of Imperfection and Daring Greatly. Her groundbreaking work has been featured widely in the media, including multiple TEDTalks and a PBS special. She lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband and two children.
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Introduction
1. Understanding Shame
2. Shame Resilience and the Power of Empathy
3. The First Element: Recognizing Shame and Understanding Our Triggers
4. The Second Element: Practicing Critical Awareness
5. The Third Element: Reaching Out
6. The Fourth Element: Speaking Shame
7. Practicing Courage in a Culture of Fear
8. Practicing Compassion in a Culture of Blame
9. Practicing Connection in a Culture of Disconnection
10. Creating a Culture of Connection
Recommendations, Resources and References
Index
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